Street Fighter vs Tekken: The Fanfic
by Titan Nerd 68
Summary: Ryu, Ken, and Guile go on a journey to take revenge upon Tekken. What will happen? Read my other stuff, probably the usual gags.
1. The Meeting

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy.

Chapter 1: The Meeting

In which Forrest does the deed, Ryu calls a meeting, and a Megaman X boss tries to share some wisdom

* * *

"Hey, Ken, you made it!" Ryu greeted his best friend with a bro hug and their secret handshake. Eliza simply entered the house around him and hugged her friend Chun Li. "How d'ya do-ken?"

"Just fine," said Ken. "Eliza and I are having a happy marriage."

"And sometimes I wonder if it'll remain that way," said Eliza.

"Happy or a marriage?" asked Chun Li.

"Who cares?" asked Ken. "All right, let's go!"

The two men ran to Ryu's lounge. Their wives soon followed, standing in the doorway while their husbands prepared to play Tekken 5.

"You're playing that instead of Street Fighter?" asked Eliza.

"We don't need to play Street Fighter," said Ken. "We're in it. Hell, Ryu and I are Street Fighter!"

"And we played Mortal Kombat last time," said Ryu, "So that means it's time for Tekken. I call King."

"And I call Eddy," said Ken. "Ready?"

"Are you ready?" Ryu asked. The two of them held out their fists. Two out of three rock-paper-scissors determined who got dibs on Yoshimitsu. They did this same thing for Soul Calibur and Mortal Kombat, but with the latter, it was to determine who got Scorpion. Ken won, so he got Yoshimitsu.

"Have I ever told either of you that not only are you weird and crazy, you're also both impossible?" asked Chun Li.

"If I'm impossible, lower the difficulty level," said Ryu. "Go to Options, and…"

"Very funny," said Chun Li. "Are you two going to do this all visit?"

"Well, if you two want to play," said Ken, "We can always take out Rock Band or Guitar Hero. Or Brawl."

"We didn't bring the Wii, dumbass," said Eliza. "And I say that because you're the one who packed up the car with…what did you put in the trunk?"

"Stuff," said Ken.

"What kind of stuff, dear?"

"Do I have to tell you?"

"Ken, tell me what you put in the car or I won't let you in me tonight."

"I packed us a car full of love, sweetie pumpkin."

Chun Li scrunched up her face. Eliza simply put duct tape over her crotch. The two wives of the fighting superstars watched their husbands play Tekken until an alarm went off.

"What's that?" Chun Li asked.

"It's time for the Titan Nerd Network's filming of the pre-release of Tekken 6," said Ryu. "And I'm watching because Tekken's my second favorite fighting game. Be quiet, wife, it's on."

"Why am I still with you?" Chun Li asked.

"Because I can hadoken." Ryu turned off his PS2 and turned on his cable box. "I can hadoken really well, and you know it."

"It's because he's bigger than Raphael," said Eliza. "I still can't believe you dated the gayest Soul Calibur character for three months."

"If you think Raphael is the gayest Soul Calibur character," said Ken, "You've never met Astaroth. Now be quiet, it's on."

"I'm here with a known Tekken man," said Charles. "Mr. Forrest Law. So tell me, Mr. Law, how do you feel with the release of this game?"

"Cha-ching!" said Forrest. "That's all there is to say. What money doesn't go to Namco goes to me. My bro Marshall doesn't see a single penny!"

"Then, what about Nina and Bryan and Jack and everyone else?"

"I don't know," said Forrest. He looked into the camera. "Here's what I do know. Tekken is the shit. And I can say that with conviction, because you're seeing me for the pompous, arrogant, overrated bastard I really am. It's better than Soul Calibur, which is basically our game with weapons. Good thing Namco owns you as well, Siegfried, because your ass would get sued back to the days of Atari 500s. We're not at all like Mortal Kombat, but Cage, you're a douchebag. Sorry to state the obvious. It's really hard to say what sucks more, your acting, your actual movies, or your fighting style. I'm glad they left you out of vs. DCU, because that game was pretty decent. And Street Fighter. Yeah, so you started us off. And while we have to catch up to Mortal Kombat, which, might I add, is younger than you, we still have more games. And not a single spinoff. So suck on this one, Ryu!" Forrest dropped his pants and started waving at the camera. Needless to say, he was not waving his hands. "Shuck it long, and shuck it haard!" he said in a deep voice.

"Okay," said Charles. "That was one of the most interesting interviews I've had in a while. And what can we expect in this upcoming game?"

"It's better than Street Fighter 5 will ever be!" Forrest shouted, his pants still down.

Ryu turned off the TV. His mouth was open. He could not believe the words he had just heard. He could stand being insulted, but being told to suck another man's penis was enough.

"I've decided to teach that son of a bitch a lesson," Ryu said. "It's between games, so I'll have time enough to do it. It's gonna be SF vs. Tekken. Get ready. Only on Xbox 360. Rated T for Teen."

"Give it a rest, Ryu," said Chun Li. "Nobody would play it, and nobody is going to go with you."

"I'm going with him," said Ken, "Because we're bros, and we stick together. Like the Mario Bros. But without mushrooms and hatred of turtles."

"Why the hell did I marry you?" Eliza asked.

"Because I've got a big penis," said Ken.

"Ironically, the man with such a big penis has no penis," said Eliza. "And what are you doing, Ryu?"

"Ryu, if you are calling everyone here, you're crazy," said Chun Li.

"Get in the basement," said Ryu. He took out an air horn and put it in the window. Ryu hit a button and it started blaring the theme from SFII. He then went to the basement where people were already coming in. Ryu got up onto the stage and started walking around.

"This had better be very fucking important," said Vega. He had a towel around his waist. "I was masturbating in the shower when I heard the horn."

"Wait, this isn't the kall to Kombat?" Johnny Cage asked. He looked around. "Whoops. I messed up more than New Line Cinema when they made the second MK movie. See you guys in the arcades." He left.

"I suppose you're wondering why I called you all here," said Ryu.

"Yes," said Balrog. "I'd like to know because you interrupted my nap."

"I'm not Dyna Blade, you're not Kirby, and these aren't the days of the SNES anymore," said Ryu. "I don't know how many of you were watching, but if you were, then I'm sure you saw Forrest Law of Tekken call us out."

"It's not the first time we've been ridiculed," said Honda. "And for the record, I actually have told Capcom to stop making so many spinoffs. Of course, they never listened."

"Well, who would take advice from a fatass like you?" asked Hawk.

"At least people still know who I am," said Honda. "What's so special about you?"

"THE POINT OF THIS MEETING!" Ryu shouted, "Is that I'm going to go all the way from the world of Capcom to the world of Namco to teach Forrest Law a lesson. You guys can all go home if you want. But I am going to kick that son of a bitch Forrest Law's ass so hard, the next…god, that left a bad taste in my mouth. What was I saying?"

"You're going to kick Forrest Law's ass," said Guile. "And I know what you mean, soldier." He stood up. "Guile. US Army, fictional character. That sack of shit Paul Phoenix had the nerve to insult my haircut. And on TV on a talk show shortly after SFIV. Well, I never had the chance to show him because I was busy at home."

"You were trying to record songs for your debut album," said Cammy. "I love you, but you still suck."

"Anyway," said Guile, "I'm not going home. And that left a really bad taste in my mouth, but I'm not going home."

"You guys are crazy," said Fei Long. "You're driving through Capcom, Nintendo, Midway because it's midway through your journey, and then all the way past who knows what else to Namco just because you don't like what Law said. That's nuts."

"Whoa, just got a boner," said Dan. "Anyone wanna help me with it?"

"Go fuck yourself," said Sagat.

"It got bigger," said Dan. "Might as well finish it. Oh, that did it. Where's the bathroom?"

"Up the stairs, down the hall, on the right," said Ryu. "And leave the toilet seat down or Chun Li will shoot you."

"I'm just glad he can't suck himself off," said Cammy. "He'd never leave his house if he could."

"He would," said Dhalsim, "Because it gets to be an overrated experience after three times. I would know." Everyone looked at him. "Stop judging me!"

"All right, we're going to leave now!" said Ryu. "In my car! Ken. Guile. With me! To my car! We're going to give Law a beatdown!"

"Wait," said Sakura. "I know I can't talk you three out of this. So I brought in a good friend of mine who's also an employee of Capcom. Now, he was only in one game, but I thought he'd be good to explain this. The floor is yours, Toxic Seahorse."

"Thank you," said Toxic Seahorse. "Now, I'm sure you know me as a boss from Megaman X3. I'm here to explain that…"

"Sonic Boom!" Guile shouted, blasting Toxic Seahorse into the wall. "That's for kickin' my ass all the damn time! I never got past your level."

"Try finding my weakness and using it," Toxic Seahorse said as he got up. "As I was saying…"

"Flash Kick!"

"What the fuck was that?"

"That was because I could never beat Boomer Kuwanger either."

"He was before me!"

"Well, tell him I said Flash Kick."

"I'm outta here." Toxic Seahorse walked out of Ryu's house. "And for the record, Marvel vs. Capcom 2 sucked Spark Mandrill nuts!"

"That means nothing because I didn't like it either," said Ryu. He shut the door on his car. "Ken?"

"Right here, Ryu, old buddy, old pal."

"Guile?"

"Reporting for duty!"

"Go, Joes!"

Ryu floored his gas pedal. He floored it again. He turned the key in the ignition and floored the gas again, driving right into a statue of Jake Gyllenhaal.

"Who bought this statue of Tobey Maguire?" Ryu asked.

"Have you been paying any attention to what I'm saying when we have sex?" Chun Li asked.

"Nope," said Ryu. "Goodbye, fellow Street Fighters! I shall see you upon return!"

* * *

Where will it go from here? Probably down the usual road.


	2. Capcom Part I

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 2: The Ever Glorious World of Capcom Games Pt I

In which Jill Valentine is afraid of blood, Guy (the one from Final Fight) thinks car crashes funny, and we meet Ken's brother

* * *

They had been driving for days when finally they stopped for more than ten minutes. It was because all three men really needed to empty their bladders. So they pulled over at the nearest place, which happened to be an abandoned hotel.

"Oh my fucking god, THIS IS AWESOME!" Guile shouted as the wave of relief hit him.

"That's a little weird," said Ken. "We're just pissing."

"It does feel great to let it all out, though," said Ryu.

They were like that for a few more seconds when they heard a gunshot. Guile jumped to the floor and made like he was holding a shotgun. Ken, who was zipping up, caught himself and dove up into the ceiling. Ryu stopped peeing from the shock and turned around with his hands up. Someone walked in with a gun ready. Ryu was about to Hadoken when he saw who it was.

"Jill," he said. "It's been a while."

"Ryu?" Jill said. "And Guile. And zombie feet!" She knifed Ken's leg, making him scream and fall out of the ceiling. "Oh, hi, Ken. What are you guys doing here, this is Resident Evil."

"We know that now," said Guile. "Need me to..." he moved closer to her "...Sonic Boom a zombie?"

"You're a married man, Guile, I'm a married woman, and no, I don't need your help. What are you doing here?"

"I'm after Forrest Law," said Ryu as he finished peeing. "Did you hear what he said?"

"Yeah. Why are you doing it?"

"Foolish male pride."

"I thought so. Ah, Ken, I'm sorry I stabbed you."

"No, it's okay," said Ken. He pulled out the knife. "I can fix this wound myself."

"Oh my god," said Jill as she fell back against the wall. "Oh, jesus."

"What?" asked Guile.

"I can't stand the sight of blood. It always makes me nauseous."

Ryu and Guile burst into laughter. Ken giggled because he was trying not to bleed any more than he already was.

"It's not funny," said Jill. "Do you know the agony I go through every time I have my period?"

"No," said Ryu, "Because I don't get them."

"That's not funny," said Jill.

"But you kill zombies all the time, and they bleed quite a bit," said Ken.

"That's undead blood. I can't stand living blood."

"Whatever," said Guile. "We're gettin' on the road. Ken, can you walk?"

"Yeah," said Ken. He stood up and instantly stood on his good leg. "Okay, maybe not." Guile slung Ken over his shoulder and they walked back to Ryu's car.

"Wait," said Jill. "The knife."

Ryu put the knife in Jill's hands, scaring her to the point of passing out. Ryu looked around, then unzipped his pants.

"We're going!" Guile shouted. Ryu ran back to his car and they drove for even longer.

"So, exactly what route are we taking?" Ken asked after they'd driven for a few more hours.

"Whatever route I like," said Ryu. "Wait, when are they releasing the game?"

"I'll find out," said Guile. He called Cammy. "Hi, honey."

"What do you want, Guile?" Cammy asked. "I'm watching TV with Chun Li and Eliza."

"I was calling because I wanted to know when they're releasing Tekken 6."

"In a week."

"Thank you, dear. You wanna have phone sex?"

"What?"

"Come on, let's have a phone quicky." Ken immediately dropped his pants. "And Ken wants in. So get Eliza and put it on speakerphone. Hello? Cammy? Baby? Oh well, her loss."

_over at Ryu's house_

"You'll never guess what Guile just asked," said Cammy.

"What?" asked Chun Li. "If you could wire money to their hotel?"

"No, for phone sex."

"I wouldn't have turned it down," said Chun Li. "Ryu's huge, but he's not the biggest I've seen. My Uncle Ted...whoo."

"And why were you looking at your uncle's penis?" asked Eliza.

"Uncle Ted's a nudist. Sadly, he's the classic unattractive nudist, but the fact that he's my uncle doesn't change the fact that he's huge."

"That's a little gross," said Cammy. "But not as gross as what happened next. Guile said to put Eliza on because Ken wanted in."

"Then why didn't you put me on?" asked Eliza. "Ken and I love phone sex."

"Thanks for sharing," said Chun Li as she pulled a golf club out from behind the couch she was sitting on. "I'm gonna go to my bedroom for a while. No calls for the next forty minutes."

_back in Ryu's car_

"We're gonna stop here for the night," said Ryu. He parked the car, rolled up the windows, turned it off, and fell asleep in the driver's seat. Ken locked the doors and fell asleep in the passenger seat. Guile stroked himself for two minutes before "Sonic Booming" all over the back of Ken's head before falling asleep. Ken never noticed. When Ryu woke up first the next morning, he noticed it was still night, the sky outside was pitch black, and he had a boner. "Holy shit, guys!"

"What, what?" asked Guile as he snapped up. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant! I..."

"Shut up, Guile!" shouted Ken. "You were never in the goddamn army, that's only your character! Drop the act!"

"I'm always in character, Ken," said Guile. "It's my duty to the series."

"You're still upset at being portrayed by Jean-Claude van Damme," said Ryu. "I'm just gonna say Byron Mann didn't do that great a job either. Let's go!" Ryu started up the car. "Oh, shit, the headlights are gone!"

"Are you turning them on?" asked Ken.

"Yes, dumbass! They're not shining!" Ryu drove his car straight into a wall. The windows broke and they saw that the sun was rising, and they heard laughter. The three men got out of the car and saw a man laughing.

"Guy," said Ken. "You know, I've always wanted to tell you Final Fight sucked."

"And because you three always got the fanboys, I'm taking my revenge on all Street Fighter characters," said Guy. "That's Ryu's car I busted. I already egged Ken's house, even though he and Eliza weren't home. And now I have to get Guile."

"Sonic Boom!" Guile shouted as he blasted Guy. Guy tried to get up, but Guile picked him up and threw him into Ryu's car. "Let's start humpin', guys."

"No way," said Ryu. "No fucking way."

"He meant let's start walking, guys," said Ken.

The three walked for hours, trying to get through town, avoiding as many fights as possible. They finally made it to a city where robots ran around, most of them trying to stop Megaman, but he wasn't around. Or he was, but that's another story. Next chapter, in fact.

"Wait, guys, someone's calling me," said Ken. He opened his phone. "Hey, bro. Listen, I'm helping Ryu take revenge on Forrest from Tekken, so could you make this quick? You can't Hadoken? Yeah, but that was a better actor than Damian Chapa. Okay, I suggest you shave your balls and get your dick sucked by the first person to volunteer. Set your hands on fire and pump some iron while you're being blown. Yeah, but it's what worked for me. Yeah, I think Dad also had this problem. It could be hereditary, Male Pattern Hadoken Loss. Go figure. All right. Have fun reorganizing." He hung up.

"Was that your brother?" asked Guile.

"Yeah, Kobra from MKD," said Ken.

"So that's why you look alike," said Ryu. "I thought Midway was ripping off of us."

"No, Kobra's my identical twin brother. We started getting our hair cut differently around age nine, and by the time we were old enough to find our own jobs, we underwent much of the same training. But unlike me, Kobra can't Shoryuken. So our parents disowned him. Or maybe it was because he stole money out of Mom's purse. Of course, if you ask him about that, he'll say it was me, but it wasn't. Anyway, Kobra can Hadoken, but he can't Shoryuken. But hey, I'm jealous that he's got that teleporting punch and the flaming axe kick. It's a tradeoff. But yeah, Kobra's my brother."

"I never would have guessed," said Guile. "I've always wanted to kick his punk ass when I saw him, but now I guess I can let it go."

"He's a good fighter and it would allow fanboys to answer a question," said Ken.

They made their way to a hotel, where they would stay until they could get a good rental car.

* * *

The plot thickens slowly. Or maybe it doesn't. The next chapter shall be...ridiculous!


	3. Capcom Part II

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 3: The Ever Glorious World of Capcom Games Pt II

In which Megaman is obsessed, other SF characters and a few Megman characters have issues, and a new car is rented

* * *

"This is stupid," said Ken. They had just checked into the hotel and were wondering their next course of action.

"Is it stupid like the movie from 94?" asked Guile, "Or is it _Legend of Chun Li _stupid?"

"It's inexcusable is what he's saying," said Ryu. "Listen, we still have some time today. We're going to stock up." He handed the others shopping lists. "Go out and buy these things. We'll meet back here for a nap before getting on the road again."

"I can't wait to get on the road again," said Ken.

The three men went out to buy their designated supplies. Ryu bought food, Ken bought road maps, and Guile bought magazines. SI, Time, and Mad. What, you thought he'd buy those kinds of mags? Come on, people, I'm not always thinking like that. Anyway, so Ryu was at the supermarket and he was about to check out when he encountered a problem.

"Listen, sir," said the cashier, who happened to be Bubbleman, "I understand we used to fight, but those days are over."

"Must find his weakness," Megaman breathed out. "No, I am X! Where's Launch Octopus? I was supposed to fight him today!"

"How long's he been like that?" Ryu whispered to the woman behind him.

"Megaman went crazy two years ago," she whispered back. "Wait it out."

"Are those waffles you're buying?" Megaman suddenly asked.

"Uh, yes," said Ryu. "I really like waffles."

"I like waffles more," Megaman droned. His eyes widened and he drooled. "Give me the waffles, Ryu."

"No," said Ryu. "These waffles are for me."

"I want the waffles."

"Get away from me before I Shoryuken your ass."

"Give me the fucking waffles!" Megaman shouted as he charged up one of his many special attacks. Ryu hit Megaman with a Shoryuken and Lan came by with a tazer.

"I'll handle it from here," he said as he tazed Megaman.

"Aren't you the annoying kid from one of the TV shows?" Ryu asked.

"Have you seen your own show?" Lan countered.

"No," said Ryu. "I didn't even know there was a Street Fighter show until last week."

"Well, I'm not a fan of it," said Lan. "Come on, Megaman. You need help. Again."

"I need waffles!" Megaman shouted. "You can zap me, but you're no Volt Catfish. OWWWWWWWWW! Don't taze me, bro!"

"What a tool," Ryu commented as Bubbleman rang his stuff up.

"Tell me about it," Bubbleman groaned.

"I meant you."

"Like I said, tell me about it. I'm a bigger tool than Baraka." Little bubbles ran down his cheeks as he cried.

Meanwhile over at the travel place, Ken was having a little trouble with Wire Sponge.

"Look, I just need some maps of Midway and Nintendo," Ken said. "It's not that hard."

"That's what she said," Wire Sponge chuckled.

"Give the damn maps, you...you...invertebrate."

"Now that's not nice, cursing in my store. Besides, Ken, why should I give you these maps."

"You're more annoying than Quan Chi in _Ash and Gary's Bogus Adventure_." Ken Hadokened Wire Sponge and left.

Guile on the other hand, had no problems. Cutman and Jet Stingray ran their bookstore very well. Guile did not have an issue until he walked out and walked right into Sakura and El Fuerte.

"Let me guess," said Guile. "It's super dynamic cooking time, and Sakura's also here. Since you're a noob, El Fuerte, why are you here?"

"Because I care about you, Guile," said El Fuerte. "And even though I am also a man, my pride is not with my hair." He removed his mask. "I went bald five years ago. And even though my wife left me, I kept doing what I did, except now without hair."

"If I went bald, I have a mold of my hair at home, so I'd glue that to my head," said Guile.

"Well, I still don't like this idea," said Sakura. "And we brought another person who thinks this is stupid."

"Is it Toxic Seahorse again?" Guile asked.

"No, it's an earlier character," said El Fuerte. "You're up, Bombman."

Bombman lit a cigarette and looked at Guile. "You're not going to Sonic Boom me or anything like that?"

"Not if I don't have to. I never played the original Megaman games."

"Who the hell is Megaman?" Bombman asked.

"He means Rockman," said Sakura. "Why he's called that I have no idea. If anyone should be called Rockman, it's probably Gutsman. But speak your mind."

"Paul Phoenix is a good fighter," said Bombman.

"I know that, we've sparred before," said Guile. "Except this is going to be a full fight with no bars held."

"I think you mean no holds barred," said El Fuerte.

"What the hell is that?" asked Guile. "Look, I have a show to watch, Ryu and Ken are coming back, so if you don't mind..."

"Not until you hear me out," said Bombman. "Look, Guile, this fight is pointless, so give it up and go home."

"We're not going home until revenge is taken," said Ryu. "Maybe I am handling this poorly. Maybe Forrest is right. Okay, he's not right, and that's why I'm doing this, but...I'm not giving up. We're leaving here tomorrow. Bye now."

"That was so moving," Bombman said. He began crying. "Such a moving speech."

"If that's a moving speech," said Sakura, "I'm glad he hasn't given more of them."

"We really need to leave tomorrow," said Ryu, "So we're going to go to bed now and get a move on in the morning."

"After my show," said Guile. "I watch this every time it's on." He clicked on the TV.

"Hello," said the announcer. "And welcome to _All Things Discussed by Everybody_. Tonight's topic is fine dining and cooking. Tonight's talkers are Donald Duck, Animal, Popeye, Swedish Chef, and Ozzy Osbourne."

"Last week they discussed Ben Stiller movies with Chris Tucker, Gilbert Gottfried, Nathan Explosion, Taz, and the ghost of Kurt Cobain," Guile said.

Ryu and Ken had a lot of trouble sleeping with the combination of Guile's laugh and the voices on the TV. The next morning, they went to the car rental place to get a car.

"We have all sorts of fine cars on our lot," said the dealer. "Any car you want. Except that one, that's my car. Any other car."

"This one," said Ken. "It looks like Wario's car."

"It is Wario's car," said the dealer. "He gave it to us yesterday."

"I'd say so," said Ryu. "I can smell the garlic from here."

"No, that's just a shitload of garlic scented air fresheners," said Ken. "I know that's an oxymoron, but that's why the car smells."

"We'll take it," said Guile. "I'll pay."

"And Ryu here can pick out the complimentary CD for your travel," said the dealer. "Company policy. Take any CD you choose."

"Okay," said Ryu. "Americana from the Offspring. What the hell, there's no CD in here. Okay, let's see, Kidz Bop Umpteen. No. Kidz Bop 3. No. Miley Cyrus sings songs by the Jonas Bros. What kind of a stupid-ass CD is this? Miley Cyrus sings Bon Jovi's Slippery when Wet. God no. Oh, a book on tape. A line by line novelization of the third Lethal Weapon movie as read by Mike Tyson and Kathy Griffin. I don't think so. Dave Matthews Band covers the greatest hits of Megadeth. I like Dave, I like Megadeth, but they should stay away from each other."

"Hurry up and pick something," said Ken.

"I wanna pick something good," said Ryu. "Oh, here's Pyromania from Def Lep...but it's so badly scratched I don't think it can play. That just leaves Greatest Hits of Mastodon."

"We'll have to take it," said Guile.

"As covered by the Naked Bros. Band. It's this or VH1's top 100 Hard Rock songs, all covered by the Kidz Bop group."

"Mastodon, please," Guile and Ken said at the same time.

"Excellent choice," said the dealer. "I'll play it for you so you can enjoy it as you leave. Have fun beating up the cast of Tekken!"

for the next few hours, the three men rode in the car with their ears bleeding until Guile ejected and Sonic Boomed the CD.

* * *

The next stop...is Nintendo! Doo-doo-doo duh doo-doo! doo.


	4. Nintendo

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 4: Nintendo

In which Guile undertakes a challenge, everyone plays the first three big Mario games, and have the car stolen and take it back

* * *

"Day three, guys," said Ryu as they drove into Nintendo. "We're gonna go straight through here if it's at all possible."

"No, we need to stop," said Guile. "There's something I want to do while we're here."

"Make it quick," said Ryu.

"Just turn left here."

Guile got out of the car with a bag of dog crap and a lighter. He set the bag on fire, rang the bell on the front porch, and ran back to the car. Marth opened the door, saw the bag, and took action. He tried to put out the fire by blowing. No success. He stomped on the bag. Now there was dog crap on his shoes, but no success with the fire. He tilted his head as he looked at the bag.

"I've got it!" Marth shouted as he suddenly fell forward face first onto the bag. He then ran down the street with crap on his shoes and fire on his face. Guile was laughing hysterically the whole time.

"Don't you think that was kinda dick?" asked Ryu.

"Nope," said Guile. "Marth once shat in my toilet and he didn't flush, so I'm getting him back."

"Still, the trick birthday candles were kinda dick," said Ryu.

"It's even dicker not to flush the toilet."

"It is a dick move, but...forget it. Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm getting the munchies. Where should we stop?"

"Let's stop here," said Ken. At that moment, Ash and Gary ran past the car, followed by an angry mob. "There's always something here in Lavender Town."

"Oh, wait," said Guile after they drove a bit further. "We're in Wii World, or whatever they call it. We drove onto Bleach: Shattered Blade."

"Terrible game," said Ryu.

"I know," said Ganju. "Hey, real quick, Ryu, could you tell Ichigo and I the way to Los Angeles?"

"I don't know," said Ryu. "Sorry."

They drove on for some more time before they stopped at a diner. Fox took them to their table and Ganondorf came out to take their orders.

"Shouldn't you be capturing the princess or something?" Ken asked. "I'm just curious. Loved Twilight Princess, by the way."

"I don't give an Octorok's nutsack what games you liked," said Ganondorf. "I wanted to be in Earthbound, but I didn't make the cut. I'm only in Zelda because she's hot. And I'm only in Legend of Zelda because it makes good money. What do you want to drink?"

"Peppy Tonic," said Ken. "And I'd like to place my order."

"You're placing your order," said Ganondorf. He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Should I just take all your orders?"

"If you can," said Guile. "Ken, you go."

"Yes, I'd like a bowl of Maxim Tomato soup with Peppy Tonic," said Ken. "Note to self: play Kirby's Adventure when I get home."

"Your NES still works?" asked Ryu.

"It does, but I also have it on Virtual Console, along with SFII and Super Mario 64."

"As for me," said Ryu, "I'll have the Deku Nut butter sandwich with strawberry jam, and I'd like to substitute the applesauce with potato wedges. And I'll have a coke."

"Pepsi, no coke," said Ganondorf. "Guile?"

"Yeah, I'll have the Pipe Platter," said Guile. "I'd like some mushrooms, a couple of hams, and...two pancakes."

"You can't get pancakes with the Pipe Platter," said Ganondorf.

"Can I get them as a side?"

"No, the pancakes are a totally different entree."

Guile thought for a second. "I'll have the pancakes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, pancakes and a Falcon Punch."

"Are you sure you want that?"

"Yes. Why, what's a Falcon Punch?"

"Falcon PUNCH!" Captain Falcon shouted as he Falcon Punched Guile through his chair. "That's a Falcon Punch, Guile."

"It's malt liquor, ginger ale, orange juice, beer, and vinegar," said Ganondorf. "I can't drink one without throwing up. In fact, if you drink one without throwing up, you'll get your picture on the wall."

Guile looked at the wall. The only people on it were Luigi, Lucas, and Waddle Dee.

"I'll take the challenge," said Guile.

After the meal, Guile was presented with his drink, the Falcon Punch.

"How'd it get it's name?" Ryu asked.

"I made this drink when I got sick," said Falcon. "I threw up whatever was ailing me and I liked the taste. You have to finish the cup in under five minutes, then there's two minutes afterwards where you can't throw up."

Guile drained the glass and sat there for two minutes.

"How'd you drink that shit?" Ganondorf asked.

"I have a powerful stomach from being hit there so many times," said Guile. He took the picture and grabbed his coat. "I'll be seeing you folks...in people's homes. Some of you on the SNES. Some of you in arcades. Actually, none of you in arcades."

"Goodbye," said Ken as he dragged Guile away.

They drove on for a bit before they were suddenly stopped for no reason.

"What the fuck is it THIS TIME!" Ryu screamed, clearly overcome by road rage. "Calm the fuck down, Ryu. It's only a FUCKING DETOUR IN MY JOURNEY! FUCK!"

"Take the challenge," said a voice. It was then that the three fighters were warped somewhere else. Ryu found himself staring up at a scaffolding, Ken found himself in a sewer, and Guile was at the start of a course with a dried, cracked road.

"This had better not be Donkey Kong," Ryu groaned as he saw the oil barrel behind him. A fireball jumped out of it. "I see no other way."

Ryu started climbing the ladders and jumping the barrels, constantly complaining about how it would be easier if he wasn't in 8-bit. He tried to throw a Hadoken, but it simply traveled slowly across the screen. He made it to the top, but Donkey Kong took Pauline away, causing Ryu to scream a string of expletives before climbing the ladder.

Ken, meanwhile, was not having any fun in the sewer. The Shellcrawlers and Sidesteppers just kept coming, with occasional Fireballs.

"I guess I'm glad this isn't the newer version with those goddamn Fighterflies," he said as a Fighterfly came out of a pipe. "And now I'm convinced that someone on the other side of this spectrum hates me."

Guile, on the other hand, was having the most fun as he ran, jumping on Goombas, kicking Koopa shells around, and throwing Sonic Booms after picking up the Fire Flower. He was having the time of his life.

Finally, Ryu defeated Donkey Kong and rescued Pauline.

"Listen, Pauline," he said, "I'm in the middle of a journey that I have four days left to complete, I'm pissed that I was taken here, so I'm going to need more than a kiss."

"I'm not sucking your dick, Ryu, if that's what you meant?"

"No, Pauline, I'd actually like to watch you..."

"Taking a dump?"

"No, I want to watch you pole dance."

"Oh. The strip club doesn't open until seven thirty."

"Fuck. I'll just get back on the road then."

Meanwhile, Guile had used a little warping and he made his way to World 8. He got to the castle and ran up to Bowser.

"Time to show you what I thought of the _Super Mario Bros Movie_," he said. "Flash Kick!"

Flash Kicking Bowser involved touching him, so Guile died and went back to the beginning of the castle, where he screamed the word fuck at least seven times before going back to Bowser. He ran past the hammers, jumped the fireballs, and hit Bowser with a bunch of Sonic Booms. Bowser was defeated and Guile went up to Peach.

"Not bad, Guile," she said. "Only three minutes, you warping bastard."

"Look, Ryu, Ken, and I are on a journey," Guile said. "We had to do this quickly. Where are they, anyway?"

"Ryu and Ken are respectively playing Donkey Kong and Mario Bros," said Peach. "Ryu's finished, but since Ken's in a basically never-ending game, you'll have to go rescue him. By the way, I'm not sucking your dick."

Ryu and Guile met Ken in the sewer and dragged him away.

"Shellcrawlers and Sidesteppers and Fireballs, oh my!" Ken repeated nonstop for the next hour as they walked back to where they thought the car was. "Hey, where the hell's the car?"

"Good question," said Ryu. "Good thing I can find things by smell." He sniffed the spot. "I smell garlic. Which can only mean Wario took it back."

"Why?" asked Ken.

"Probably because he's Wario," said Wolf, who appeared out of nowhere. "And I smell eggplant at my parking space, meaning Waluigi stole my Wolfen."

"Now he's one weird motherfucker," said Guile. "Oh, by the way, Wolf, why'd you suddenly decide to try out for Brawl? You're one of my favorite characters in that, by the way."

"Thank you," said Wolf. "Fox was in it, Falco was in it, and they wanted another one for number three. Peppy's too old, Krystal's not into that, and Slippy is..."

"Slippy," said Ryu. "About as popular as Centaurman."

"Who's Centaurman?" asked Ken.

"Exactly," said Wolf. "You're a Capcom employee and you don't know who Centaurman was. Because he offed himself some time ago. But I play all the Megaman games, even the shitty ones, so I know all the bosses. Anyway, I was the only one left, as original Andross was already an Assist Trophy, 64 Andross didn't want to do it, so I stepped up to the plate."

"When can we expect another StarFox game?" asked Ken. "Those were my favs back in the day."

"I don't know," said Wolf. "I don't get notified of release dates, they just tell me when they need me. But if I find out, you'll be the first to know."

"Thanks," said Ken. "Do you know where Wario lives?"

"Yeah, I was about to go there," said Wolf. "I do have a Landmaster for us."

They got in and Wolf drove them.

"Hey, remember the time they tried to make us speak our native languages," said Guile. "That was so funny."

"I remember that," said Ken. "Balrog decided to speak ebonics, you and I spoke our made up language we called American, and what the hell was Bison saying?"

"I remember very well," said Ryu. "I was almost fired because of that."

"Why?" asked Guile.

"I don't speak any Japanese," said Ryu.

"But you are from Japan," said Wolf. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I am from Japan," said Ryu. "What's listed are our countries of origin. I was born in Japan, but we lived there for only three years. Or rather, we moved to Oklahoma when I was three. My parents spoke Japanese all the time around the house, but it wasn't real Japanese. I was seven when I realized my parents had been speaking Mock Japanese for years. Apparently, they don't speak any real Japanese either, so I really only know the names of my attacks and how to order sushi. But I couldn't tell you how to find the bathroom or wear clean underwear."

"And they almost fired you over that?" asked Guile.

"Vega doesn't speak any Spanish," said Ryu, "So he and I made a pact. Capcom had to either fire us both, or fire neither of us. If I was fired, Vega would quit, so that's why we stayed around."

"Interesting," said Wolf. "Well, here's our stop. Good luck."

"Won't need it," said Ryu. He knocked down Wario's door with an Ansatsuken {if I misspelled that, please notify me} and walked straight into the living room.

"Wahahaha!" Wario laughed. "I knew you'd be back for the car."

"Yeah, just give us the car you sold, you fat mustached bastard," said Ryu.

"Not without a fight, Rei-oo," Wario laughed.

"MY NAME IS PRONOUNCED REE-OO!" Ryu screamed as he fired a Hadoken at Wario.

"Uh, we got the car out of the garage for you," said Guile as he poked his head in the door. "Ryu, we're going."

"I'm going to rape his nostrils," Ryu growled as he unzipped his pants.

"Get over here," Guile said as he threw a spear at Ryu and pulled him over. "We're getting back on the road so we can get to Midway by sundown."

* * *

RIP Midway Games. Gauntlet and MK are awesome! Time for a Future Kombat krossover!


	5. Midway

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 5: Midway

In which Guile runs low on health, Noob challenges Ken (again?), and Ryu destroys Beijing

* * *

As they drove into Midway as the sun set, Guile's stomach growled loudly enough that everyone in the car heard.

"Colonel Guile needs food badly!" Guile announced. "Seriously, I could eat Zangief, Honda, Rufus, and Balrog in one sitting right now and have enough room left for Goro."

"Whatever," said Ken. "We're not going to stop. Day three's almost over and we need to...Ryu, what are you doing?"

"Excuse me," Ryu said as he rolled down his window, "But can you point us to a hotel?"

"I can point you to my studio," said Evil MC (from _Smash TV_, my profile pic). "What are three Street Fighters doing here in the world of Midway Games?"

"We're going to beat down Forrest Law and Paul Phoenix from Tekken," said Ryu.

"Sounds like total carnage and a crossover," said Evil MC. "I love it! There's a hotel on Tobias street."

"Thank you," said Ryu.

"We need to get food," said Guile. "Seriously, I'm hungry like the wolf!"

"Holy shit, he's right!" Ken noticed. "Ryu, Guile's health meter is rapidly declining. Do something!"

"What the hell can I do?" Ryu asked. "Do I look like the password for an unlimited health glitch?"

"An apple!" Guile happily exclaimed. Ryu quickly pulled over, but the green barrel near the apple exploded, poisoning it.

"My bad!" the Jester from _Gauntlet: Dark Legacy_ laughed. "Here, have this hamburger!" Guile caught the hamburger and ate it, even though it was rubber. But hope was not lost. They reached the hotel and Guile pigged out on all the food he could find. At the end, he was fat like a _Metal Slug _character after eating.

"I couldn't eat another bite," Guile said as Ryu and Ken helped him into bed.

"Are you sure you don't want the wafer thin mint the hotel left on your pillow?" Ken asked.

"Fuck off, Ken, I'm full," Guile moaned.

"It's only one wafer thin mint," said Ryu.

"Am I the only one who's seen Monty Python's _Meaning of Life_?" Guile asked.

"I've seen it," said Ryu.

"So have I," said Ken.

"I'm not eating that mint," said Guile. "If Midway put a _T2 _reference in _MKSM_, then I'm sure there's a Monty Python reference in this hotel."

"Bullshit," said Ryu. "I'll prove it." Ryu ate the mint, swelled up like Kitana had kissed him, and exploded.

"Told you," said Guile. "Any more references to make, Midway?"

The three men slept soundly that night. Until 2:30 when Guile woke up to take the mother of all shits and ended up gassing the entire hotel. It was then they agreed to get a move on early into day 4 so that they could reach SNK in good time. But something stopped them after several hours. As they were driving, a car (or rather, kar) pulled into the intersection in front of them. Noob Saibot jumped out and pointed at Ken.

"We have a score to settle, Ken!" Noob shouted. "July 5, 1994. 7:43:19 AM. Sega. We were kalmly discussing _Art of Fighting _when you had to let loose a Bo'Rai Cho fart in the middle of konversation. Prepare to die!"

"First of all," said Ken, "Bo'Rai Cho had no career in 94, so I couldn't have let loose one of his farts. Second of all, you speaking with k's instead of c's makes you look more retarded than the game _MegaMan Soccer_. And third of all, you farted, not me."

"I haven't farted once since I died," said Noob, letting loose one that smelled to his kar passengers like Sheeva's vagina. "That was simply air rushing through my ass krack from the outside."

"Stop using k's!" Ken screamed. "Really, that krap is so annoying. Fuck, you just made me do it!"

"Die, Ken Masters!" Noob screamed as he rushed forward throwing his shuriken willy-nilly. Ken dodged and nailed Noob in the chest with a Hadoken. He got back in the car and buckled his seatbelt.

"Let's go," he said.

"Wait," said Mavado. "Aren't you going to Finish him?"

"If I, a _Street Fighter _character finished him, a _Mortal Kombat _kharacter (fuck, I did it again)," said Ken, "This would be _Killer Instinct_. Rare's not on our way, we're leaving Midway, and we've passed Nintendo."

They drove for about thirty more minutes when they reached a laboratory. Needing to use the bathroom badly, they stopped and emptied themselves.

"Hey, I found this cool syringe," said Ryu. "Do arcade machines still say that winners don't use drugs?"

"I haven't seen one of those in years," said Guile.

"Okay," said Ryu. He injected the contents of the syringe into his ass and turned into a little spider.

"What just happened?" asked Ken.

"Ryu seems to have turned into a spider," said Guile as he scooped up his friend. "I know who to call." He got out his phone and dialed. "Web Spider?"

"No, it's Sting Chameleon with his nuts cut off," said the voice at the other end. "Who else could it be?"

"It's Guile," said Guile. "And out of curiosity, is that how you would answer if Sting Chameleon was calling?"

"I mix it up," said Web Spider. "Funny thing is I once answered saying that I was Magma Dragoon busting out the world's biggest queef and he was in fact calling me. Hasn't talked to me since. What's up?"

"Ryu injected himself with something in a Midway laboratory and turned into a spider."

"And you called me because I'm a robotic spider?"

"No, I called you because you like to insult people you know when you answer your phone."

"No, I insult other robots, not people. But you did call the right guy."

"Oh shit, Ryu's increasing in size in my hand." Guile set Ryu on the ground.

"It's undoubtedly the Rampage Drug. Ryu will go on a rampage in the nearest city."

At that moment, Ryu destroyed the lab as he became a gigantic spider that walked on its last four legs and used its first four legs as arms. He looked at the camera and started walking towards Beijing.

"He's about to destroy Beijing," said Guile.

"Well don't just stand there, Guile, go after him. Beat the shit out of him so that he turns back into a human (remember, he'll be naked) and don't put a quarter in. Have fun!" Web Spider hung up. "Now, where were we?"

"You still have your hands on my tits and you were going to finger me," said Chun Li.

"Right," said Web Spider. "Hang on." He spun a web to bind Chun Li to the bed. "That's kinkier."

"It's irritating my vagina."

"Sorry." Web Spider called off the web. The two then had hard sex for an hour, then Chun Li drove home naked. A cop contemplated pulling her over for speeding, but didn't because he was listening to _Save Me from Myself _by Vertical Horizon.

Meanwhile, Ken and Guile were beating the shit out of Ryu, but not before Beijing was more ruined than any movie with Steven Segal. They dragged him back to the car and drove out of Midway into SNK.

"Oy vey," said Guile. "Fuckin' SNK."

"Hold your rant," said Ken. "Next chapter so the author can go to bed."

* * *

RIP Midway Games. Gauntlet and MK are awesome! Time for a Future Kombat krossover!


	6. SNK and briefly Square Enix

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 5: SNK (and briefly Square Enix)

In which Terry Bogard and Haohmaru have a tradition, Sora is in fact a volcano worshipper, and Ken loses his manhood

* * *

As the fourth day of travel reached its sixteenth hour, the car broke down.

"Fuck," said Ryu. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck."

"Someone's a little upset," Ken said in a clowning voice to lighten the mood. Ryu turned to him with an evil look and whacked him with a Shoryuken. As soon as Ken hit the ground, they walked the rest of the way to SNK.

"So, who here remembers the Capcom vs. SNK games?" asked Guile. "I ask because Chang owes me a fight."

"He owes Zangief a fight," said Ken. "It has something to do with looks. I think Moloch from MKDA also got involved with the ball and chain or some shit."

"Well, I feel like someone owes me a fight for this broken car," said Guile. "Maybe if...okay, who wants to go around challenging people. We're fighting game characters, and fighting game characters live around here, so we just have to find someone and say..."

"We know what to say," said Ryu. "I'm not in the mood to fight right now."

They started walking because it was the most sensible thing to do. Okay, they started walking until they met Haohmaru and Terry Bogard.

"Not in the mood for any fights," said Ken as they tried to go past.

"It's okay, we aren't, either," said Haohmaru. "We're just keeping up an old tradition we've had."

"Ooh, I love traditions," Ryu suddenly said. "Tell me more."

"There's no shaking him out of this one," Ken whispered to Guile.

"Okay," said Terry. "Haohmaru and I have been friends since we were children. And since we were about eleven years old, every year on the date that falls exactly between our birthdays, we pull a prank on some random person who walks by."

"What prank is that?" asked Ryu.

"It depends on what we've agreed upon," said Haohmaru as Terry slipped behind.

"So, what have you agreed upon this time?" Ryu asked as Terry dumped a bunch of mousetraps in the back of his pants. "Jesus Christ!"

"Round 1, FIGHT!" Haohmaru called. Ryu was then obligated to fight Haohmaru with a bunch of mousetraps in his pants. Needless to say, he lost. Badly.

"Well, that could have been a helluva lot worse," Guile chuckled as he and Ken walked with Ryu about five feet behind them.

"Fuck you both," said Ryu. "There's only one thing that can make me feel better right now."

"I think I know what it is," said Ken. He took out the boombox. "Ready, Guile?"

"I am ready, Ken," Guile said as he hit play. He and Ken then started to sing with the tape. "Do the Mario! Swing your arms from side to side, come on it's time to go do the..."

They were cut off by Ryu picking up the boombox and throwing it to the ground.

"That was my favorite boombox, too," said Ken.

"Come on," said Ryu. "We need to get to the highway and fast because I don't know of any warp zones around here."

"Try a cheat code," said Ken. "Let's see, start game, new game. Okay, Guile, what are the potential usernames?"

"Well," said Guile, "There's sOnIcBuUm if you want unlimited HP. haDOOOOken for unlimited projectiles. SHoryUUUken for octopus heads. Yes, let's try that one."

"No," said Ryu. "Look for a code that allows access to any level. Or a level password, something."

"I'm looking, Ryu, I'm looking. Let's see here, oh, put in LOLSmileyFace69 for nude characters. MiyaShiger9911 for invisibility. Ah, here it is. Spoilerwarp12 to start at the second level. I think that would take us back to Nintendo."

"Very well, SHoryUUUken it is," said Ken. "How many u's?"

"Three," said Guile.

Ken input the password and they got octopus heads. They then obtained a car when Ryu started a second save file under the name fREEuSEDcAR. Guile looked for an unlimited fuel password, but saw none, so he put in DEFLEPSUX to get unlimited songs by Justin Beiber. He then spent the rest of the ride through SNK speaking soprano.

"Good thing we got those directions from Naruto and Sasuke," said Ryu as they drove. "We should be to Square Enix pretty soon and we can plow right on through."

"That's what she said," said Ken.

"I swear if you say that one more time I'll cut your dick off," said Guile.

"Let me say it," said Ryu, "Since I didn't get us this genital shrinking music. Ken, if you say 'that's what she said' one more time, Guile will cut your dick off."

They got into Square Enix. They were driving over the bridge and onto the main street for a bite to eat before they made their way to Sega, but they were suddenly stopped. Journey interrupted? Again?

"Stay where you are," said Sora. "Okay, Ken, I need you to stand here, and Guile, stand on your head over there. Ryu, stay in the car."

"What is going on here?" asked Ken as he stuffed his mouth with fries.

"Shhhh," said Sora. "We're going to wait. When I start singing _Too Little Too Late _by Jojo, I need you two to start repeating the word foodstuffs. It's the only way to avoid pissing off the volcano."

"Volcanos don't have feelings and I don't worship them," said Guile as he got to his feet and got back in the car.

"Forgive him, Mt. Vesuvius, he knows not what he does!" Sora shouted as the Street Fighters drove into Sega.

"That was...stupid, to say the least," said Ryu.

"About as stupid as the Mario Bros movie," said Guile as his voice returned to normal.

"That's what she said," Ken snickered. Guile Sonic Boomed and Ken's penis was instantly cut off in such a way that it ended up flying out the window. "That wasn't even sexual!"

"You still said it," said Guile. "And we're not going back for your penis because of pixel limitations."

Meanwhile, as Sora did his volcano dance, Ken's penis landed at his feet.

"Now you know the wrath of Mt. Vesuvius!" Sora shouted as he held Ken's penis high. He then ran through the streets. "Look, everyone! Mt. Vesuvius has punished Ken Masters!"

* * *

SEGA! Sonic 4 looks awesome!


	7. Sega

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 6: Sega

In which Sonic races them, Monkey Ball gets on folks' nerves, and our heroes receive three phone calls

* * *

"Day five, everyone," Ken said as they got out of the hotel on the border of Square Enix and Sega. "I really don't know if we can do this anymore. We haven't shaved in all the time we've been driving, I'm constantly pissing on myself because I have no dick in the physical sense, that hamburger I ate yesterday is still not sitting well (fuck, there goes another shot of diarrhea), and I really have no reason to be with you because this isn't my fight. I'm just your friend."

"At least you're not me," said Ryu. "I'm the one who was insulted by someone from...okay, Tekken doesn't suck, but what I'm saying is...okay, you're worse off than I am."

"No, I'm the worst off," said Guile. "It actually happened to me."

"What could have happened to you that could be worse than what you did to me on the way here?" Ken asked.

"I ran out of hair gel," said Guile, making the other two crash. "What? That's a big deal for me."

"Oh well for you," said Ryu. "We're in Sega right now. And here's our breakfast." He pulled up to the Sonic drive thru. "Hi, I'd like..."

"You're too slow!" a familiar voice said over the intercom. "Get out of here."

Before Ryu could do anything, a spring shot up from the ground and shot the car sky high. Knuckles drove in behind him and said, "Br'f'st'b'rito!"

"Two dollars!" said the intercom.

"Okay, that's bullshit," said Ken. "Ryu, back up."

"No, here's a better idea." Ryu opened the door to the Sonic and went in to where Sonic was making food. "Hey, Sonic! We challenge you to a race!"

"I'm listening," said Sonic.

"I get my car for speed, you just run."

"From here to the sign advertising the Viewtiful Joe franchise."

"It's a deal," said Ryu. "In ten minutes?"

"How about now?" Sonic laughed as he dashed out the door. "Come on, Ryu, step it up!"

Ryu dove into his car and floored the gas pedal, his knuckles turning white as he pursued the famous hedgehog. He caught up and they were neck and neck until Sonic got out the box of tacks. Unfortunately, he didn't aim right and ended up stepping all over them. Ryu drove away while the hedgehog screamed in pain.

"Hello," Ryu said as he picked up his phone.

"Um, yes, hi," said the voice on the other end. "I was calling to reach a bloke, first name Ryu, unofficial last name Hoshi."

"Speaking."

"Yes, I am Wentworth Barrington of the Wentworth Barrington and Barrington Wentworth Shoe Warehouse, and I was wondering if you were going to pick up that order of pocket watches you placed."

"I didn't order any pocket watches, and certainly not from a shoe warehouse."

"Well, our records indicate that you did."

"Your records must be outdated then."

"Listen, ma'am..."

"Sir."

"Sir, you placed an order last June. Now it's...what month is it?"

"Look, I'm not picking up what I did not order. I do not want to talk to you anymore."

"Don't curse at me, you piece of shit."

"I didn't curse at you. And why did you call me a piece of shit?"

"Please hold for the next two hours."

"WHAT?" Ryu grew red in the face and little Hadokens shot out of his ears.

"And I'm back," said the other person. "Time flies, yes?"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!" Ryu screamed, making Guile and Ken cover their ears. "You make me sick, you pinhead!"

"Pinhead? Well, there's no need to call names here, but it takes one to know one."

"Get off my phone, you shit eating prick! Your mother sucked my cock last night, plus my friend's, my other friend's, and Tila Tequila's!"

"Well, sir, your wife slept with E Honda last night. I know because she took a break to suck my cock."

Ryu was breathing heavily. Then it clicked. "Dudley, is that you?"

"Um...no...this is...Eagle."

"Nice try, Dudley."

"I insist I'm Eagle."

"No, you're not." Ryu put it on speaker. "Say hello to Ken and Guile, Dudley."

"I'm not Dudley, I'm Eagle."

"Yeah, that's Eagle," said Guile. "All English people don't sound the same, you know."

"Kidding, I am Dudley!" Dudley laughed. "I do a spot on impression of Eagle, and he can do a pretty spot on impression of me, if I say so myself."

"Dudley, I am so kicking your ass when we shoot Super Street Fighter 4," said Ryu. "By the way, did you borrow Cody's PS3? Because he called me last night and didn't shut up about it."

"I did not borrow it," said Dudley. "Have fun in Sega."

"How do you know we're in Sega?"

"Because he's right outside us," said Ken. He waved at Dudley standing on the street. Ryu simply flipped him off and drove down the road. After a while, he turned on the radio.

"And welcome to the only station we have here in Sega, the Super Monkey Ball Station of Music!" said Monkey Ball over the radio.

"You know the radio only turns off with the car, right?" said Guile.

"Oh, how bad can it be?" Ryu asked.

"You're just in time for the theme five hours!"

"Sounds good."

"Rickrolls galore today, followed by Midnight Oil, Dexys Midnight Runners, Soulja Boy, Hurricane Chris, Fine Young Cannibals, The Proclaimers, Men at Work, A-Ha, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and Lady Gaga!"

Ryu simply slammed his head against the steering wheel. After driving for three hours and not turning off the radio, Ryu got tired. He let Guile drive, and eventually they stopped at a radio station. Guile Sonic Boomed it down and they drove off listening to static.

"Hello?" Ken said as he picked up his phone.

"Heeeey," someone slurred. "Is this...is this...uh...Gen?"

"No, I'm Ken."

"Oh, hey, Gen."

"No, Ken. With a K. Sagat?"

"Huh?"

"What do you want, Sagat?"

"Oh, you're Ken. Hey, Ken."

"Sagat, are you drunk?"

"Nooooooo, no no no. I'm just a little...a little...what's the word?"

"Drunk?"

"No, I was gonna say tipsy. Like err'body in the club gettin' tipsy."

"No, Sagat, that's...where are you right now?"

"I'm at Ryu's house."

"And are your car keys close by?"

"They're between Chun Li's tits."

"What?"

"Yeah, I'm fucking Chun Li hard. Come on, Chun Li, I swear, well I mean, at this moment you...did I come?"

"No, keep going," said Chun Li. "Hi, Ken."

"Um, hi," said Ken as he hung up. "Ryu?"

"Yeah?"

"Sagat's drunk at your house and he's fucking Chun Li."

"Really?"

"I heard her ya!ya!ya!."

"Are you sure they weren't sparring?"

"He asked if he came and she told him to keep going."

"Oh." Ryu's face sank a bit. "That's disheartening."

"What was it like meeting her family, by the way?" asked Guile. "I ask because you told me you would tell me how it went, but you never did."

"Okay," said Ryu. "As you know, Bison killed her father. She has a gay brother who at the time was dating Kung Lao from Mortal Kombat. She also has twin sisters who think whoopee cushions are the funniest thing ever next to post 80s horror movies, in their own words. And her mother's a total bitch."

"You really think so?" asked Ken. "Chun Li speaks very highly of her mother."

"Yes, and so do I," said Ryu, "But Chun Li's mother is a yappy little toy dog, and she's female, and therefore a complete bitch. Why do you think Chun Li yaps when she kicks? It's genetic."

"Excuse me," said Guile as he picked up his phone. "Please make it quick, I'm driving."

"Hey, Guile," said the other voice. "I'm at your house right now, and Cammy said I should call you to find out where the SNES was located."

"I sold it on eBay," said Guile. "That's how I was able to buy our PS3. Do you know how much Sony charges for things?"

"He sold it on eBay," said the other person. "Okay, she's coming for you."

"Vega?" Guile asked.

"That's what it says on my beautiful birth certificate."

"Okay, when Cammy's finished I'd like to talk to you again."

"Or you could call me when you're off the road."

"It's no big deal."

"Guile, sweetie," said Cammy. "Why did you sell the SNES?"

"To buy the PS3," said Guile. "What, did you want me to buy us an XBox? So we can sit up late at night not getting anywhere because of a shitty d pad?"

"You know that SNES was a present to me from my brother, right?"

"So? He's not dead, and he's not for sale."

"No, but it means quite a bit to me."

"It's only an SNES, dear. We can buy another if worst comes to worst."

"We'll discuss it when you get home. If Paul Phoenix doesn't kick your bloody arse!"

"Cammy, you know I fight better than that. Put Vega back on."

"Look, Guile," said Vega. "You really shouldn't drive while talking on your cell phone."

"It's texting and driving that's the root of all evil," said Guile, unaware that he was driving over large, fluorescent traffic cones. "I'm not texting you, so..."

Guile was cut off by Knuckles, who stopped the car, wrote Guile a ticket, and ran away.

"I'll call you back tonight, Vega," Guile said as he tried to control his rage.

"I'll drive now," said Ken. "We've almost reached Namco. And with a day in between."

* * *

I finished this chapter on Monday, 5/17/2010. Yesterday was, in a strange way, a black sabbath. Sunday, 5/16/2010, 7:45 AM. RIP, Ronnie James Dio. A true god of metal. Know what it means and what's between. \m/


	8. Namco Part I

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 7: Namco (before the fight)

In which we all came out to Tekken on the Namco-Sega frontier. To match Street Fighter with Tekken. It's only gonna be right here. Ryu, Ken, and Guile, they're taking Paul and Forrest to town. But Astaroth and Raphael. They're gonna burn the place to the ground (yes, it's a flame joke. I'm bisexual, for justification clarification).

* * *

"We've made it to Namco!" Guile shouted excitedly. "All right! Time to buy some hair gel! And take out Paul Phoenix!"

"We did it," said Ryu. "Guile and I, that is, because this is our fight. Not that you haven't helped, Ken."

"And welcome to Namco, guys," said Raphael. "How have you been?"

"Just fine," said Ken. "And my penis isn't attached to me, if you were planning on touching it."

"That's terrible," said Astaroth. "Say, what say you rest your bones for a while? At my place?"

"No thank you, Astaroth," said Guile. "But I actually do owe Kazuya a visit. Do you know where he lives now?"

"Somewhere down that road," said Raphael. "Are you sure you don't want to suck my dick before you go?"

"YES!" the Street Fighters shouted.

"I was joking," Raphael whined. "Lighten the fuck up. Geez, being straight's not all you may crack it up to be. Ooh, I said crack! Astaroth!"

"Right there!" Astaroth laughed as he started dry humping his partner in the middle of the street.

"And that's more than a little disturbing," said Ken.

They drove to a convenience store so Guile could buy the hair gel he desperately wanted. He then took the wheel to Kazuya's house. The route took them through a battle zone where a timer was ticking.

"I've always hated driving here in Namco," said Guile. "I just think it's a pain in the ass that JESUS CHRIST!" He swerved to avoid a grenade, driving past a sign that said the bridge was out. "As I was saying, it's a pain in the ass that everywhere is the set of Time Crisis."

"The bridge is out, Guile," said Ken.

"Don't interrupt me. I was saying that since everywhere in Namco is a Time Crisis game, there's always bullets and explosions and shit going down."

"Danger! Danger! Danger!" Ryu shouted. "Guile, release the pedal!" Guile saw the bridge was out and slammed on the brakes just in time.

"Why didn't you tell me the bridge was out?" Guile demanded. "I could have killed us!" Ryu and Ken simply ground their teeth while Guile turned into Kazuya's driveway. He then transformed back into himself and parked the car in front of Kazuya's house.

"You three have some real big balls showing your faces around here," Kazuya said with a laugh as he welcomed them. "How the hell are ya, ya three dirty bastards? Haven't seen you since the release of SFIV. And MvC3 looks really fucking awesome. What's it like to work with Deadpool?"

"Slightly less annoying than working with Rufus," said Ryu. "Deadpool doesn't shut up either, but at least he's funny."

"Listen, we have a couple favors to ask," said Guile. "I'm here partially because I owe you a visit, but also because I know you can get us a venue and a ref."

"Well, the only venue I can think that's open right now is the bank from MK3," said Kazuya. "And the only person I can think who's available to ref is Billy Kane from Fatal Fury, and you know he hates me."

"I'll take care of that," said Ken. "Right after I change my pants, Guile!"

"I told you I'd do it, and I did it," Guile simply said. "While you're out, would you mind getting me a cheeseburger?"

"Not at all," Ken said sarcastically. He came back an hour later with a burger bun and a cow.

"That's a burger bun and a cow, Ken," said Guile.

"Yes," Ken said. "I was able to get us Monument Valley as a venue for the fight. I also texted Eliza and the entire Street Fighter cast will be there. Everyone except that useless, bisexual prick Dan. I was also able to get Galford from Samurai Shodown to be the ref."

"I hate that guy," said Guile. "He ripped off Charlie's hair, my Sonic Boom, and...everything Hanzo does. And where the hell's my cheeseburger?"

"I was just getting to that," said Ken. "And knowing the mutual dislike between you and Hanzo, he agreed that he wouldn't ref your fight. Poppy will do that. Yes, she is a certified referee. I don't know how she got that position, but whatever. As for your burger, Guile, I got you the ingredients, because you're perfectly capable of making your own damn cheeseburger."

"I don't follow," said Guile.

"I have presented you with a bun and a live cow. You can milk the cow and use the milk to make cheese. Then you can slaughter the cow, grind the beef, shape it into a patty, cook it, put it on the bread with the cheese, and EAT IT!" Ken stomped down to Kazuya's basement and the others heard him playing Guitar Hero.

"No more Patton Oswalt for Ken," said Ryu. "But that was funny. And you do deserve that for Sonic Booming his penis off."

Kazuya fell on the floor laughing. Ryu and Guile then spent the rest of the day arm wrestling and sparring until it was time for the fight. They went to Monument Valley and prepared to fight.

"Be prepared for the fight of the century!" Galford announced. "Until MK9 and MvC3 hit shelves, at least. First up! Guile and Paul! I'm only announcing this one...no, they've sent me a signal to shut up. Fine. Poppy, take it away!"

"Bark!"

"I have no idea what that means," said Guile.

"Bark! Bark! Bark!"

"Speak English, doggie," said Paul. He combed some more gel into his hair.

"Hey, that's my hair gel!" Benimaru (yes, that drag queen from KoF somehow wormed his way into the arena, but since a lot of Capcom characters as well as people from other fighting games are there, except for the MK kast because they're at the _other _fight that's going on in the same parallel universe...wait, why am I taking up this space? Read the rest) shouted. He zapped the two fighters in the ring and took back the gel. "What, you thought the electricity really kept my hair like this?"

"Yes," Paul coughed. "And you also kinda look like me in drag."

"No, you look like me out of drag," said Benimaru. "Oh, by the way, Ryu, your wife is making out with Dhalsim."

"No, she isn't," said Ryu. "By the way, does anyone smell smoke?"

As it turned out, Ryu, Guile, and Paul were the last people to realize that Poppy was barking because she smelled the smoke from the arena burning down. It had to do with Astaroth, Raphael, and Benimaru having a threesome in the women's bathroom (go figure, they're gay) and generating so much heat the place burned down. Either that or the semen caused Benimaru's powers to short circuit. I wouldn't know.

"I guess we have to move," said Forrest. "But don't worry, Ryu! I'll still win because I'm still better!"

"We'll see," said Ryu.

"Plus, my wife isn't making out with someone else!"

"You're not married," said Ryu. "Come on, Chun Li, let's follow everyone else."

"Sure thing, sweetie," Chun Li said as she kissed her husband, then wiped what appeared to be Dhalsim's semen off his mouth. "Musta gotten more than I thought."

* * *

This story is also soon coming to an end. There might be a sequel, I haven't fully decided yet.


	9. Namco Part II

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 9: Round 1

In which Guile fights Paul

* * *

"Round 1! FIGHT!"

The call was made and Guile and Paul faced off. They circled a bit, and then Guile made the first move.

"Flash Kick!" Paul was juggled into the air and Guile jumped up and started beating him up in the air. "Charlie!"

"This isn't MvC," said Paul as he axe kicked Guile to the floor. "But good use of that Air Combo. Now, feel the might of my Hyper Combo!"

Paul charged across the floor and launched a series of punches that left Guile spinning.

"Come on, Guile!" Ryu shouted. "Ignore the fact that Chun Li is giving a handjob to Rolento and kick his ass!"

"What?" Guile got up and looked at the audience. Indeed, Chun Li was giving a handjob to Rolento.

"Question," said Paul. "Do you have any idea why Ryu stays married to Chun Li even though she never hides the fact that she's cheating?"

"No," said Guile as he knee smashed Paul in the stomach. "I've always thought it was because he could never find anyone else. She just likes the penis."

"Yeah, I knew that much," said Paul as he elbowed Guile in the jaw. "By the way, I'm pumped for MvC 3. I'm so glad they're putting in Viewtiful Joe."

"Screw them right now," said Guile. "I have yet to receive my invitation. What's happening over there?"

"I'm not falling for that old-ass trick," said Paul as he prepared to punch Guile across the face.

"Oh well," said Guile as Deadpool brought his life bar down on Paul.

"This is a Hyper Combo," Deadpool teased as he pointed at Paul. "And I'm showing up uninvited because Noob Saibot is fighting! Oh, and to you reading this: You can't see me flipping you off! Wow, it's kinda weird just communicating in words. I mean, I can moon you and you only know I'm mooning you because there's this text saying I'm mooning you. But I'm not mooning you! I whipped my dick out instead and...well, hello Chun Li."

"That's enough out of you!" Guile and Paul shouted as they kicked Deadpool out of the ring.

"I'm blasting off again!" Deadpool shouted as he sailed into the sky.

"I win," said Guile.

"No, you don't," said Paul. "Where is that written?"

"Well, since Deadpool can break the fourth wall, or rather, the computer screen, I'm just telling you and everyone out there that I'm the better fighter."

"But you haven't won the fight yet. Ah, shit. Not only did I set myself up to lose besides the fact that I'm kinda the bad guy here and the quote-unquote good guys always win, I gave away the ending to this chapter."

"The reader or readers doesn't or don't know that yet."

"Guile, we're still breaking the fourth wall."

"Oh. Uh...SPOILER ALERT!"

"That only worked on _Something, Something, Something Dark Side _because everyone who saw it already knows the story of _Star Wars_."

"MOVE THE PLOT ALONG!" the entire audience shouted.

"Back to the fight then," said Guile. He and Paul went back to exchanging blows. "Hey, Paul?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to say something I've felt for a while."

"You're in love with me?"

"No. Well yes, but...actually, no, I'm not in love with you. No, I just wanted to say SONIC HURRICANE, BITCH!"

Guile laughed maniacally as he caught Paul and exhausted his health meter.

"Guile wins!" Galford announced. "Whoopdee freakin' doo. Next fight in the next chapter."

"Don't break the fourth wall!" Deadpool shouted. "Only I'm allowed to do that!"

"How'd you get back here so fast and who let you back in?" asked Guile.

"I have a key," said Deadpool.

* * *

So...yeah. MvC 3 and Street Fighter X Tekken. Them plus MK9. I need a new system. But enough about me. Give me a positive review if you're excited about one or more of these upcoming games!


	10. Street Fighter X Tekken without Kazuya

**Street Fighter vs. Tekken: The Fanfic**

The premise of this story is that Ryu wants to get back at Forrest for calling him out. Ken always stands by his side, and Guile has his own beef with Paul, so the three of them go through multiple parts in the fictional world that these stories take place in so that the Street Fighter characters can give the Tekken characters a beatdown. Ryu is married to Chun Li, Ken is married to Eliza, Guile is married to Cammy. I own neither game, but if I did, they might be more like MK. I'm an evil person.

Chapter 10: Street Fighter X Tekken (but without Kazuya)

In which Ryu fights Forrest

* * *

"Round 1! FIGHT!"

The call was made and Ryu and Forrest faced off. Fine, do you really want me to use something other than changing two names from the previous chapter? I hate you people.

_Reboot_

Galford stepped back and Ryu and Forrest looked deeply into each other's eyes. Not in a romantic sense, but because each man was trying to use his reflection in the eyes of the other one to adjust a contact lens. After readjusting their lenses, they started fighting. Punch for punch, kick for kick. Hadoken for...oh, right, fireballs don't exist in Tekken. Not as attacks, anyway. Well, whatever Forrest could do to match a Hadoken, he did it.

"Your fighting style is good," Forrest said after some time, "But not good enough!"

"You stole that from Liu Kang in MK: Shaolin Monks," Ryu accused.

"Yes, well, we Bruce Lee characters are allowed to use each other's lines at any time for any reason."

"You never use any of my lines at inopportune times!" Fei Long shouted from the audience.

"That's because your movies are worse than Johnny Cage's," Forrest responded. He then charged at Ryu with a flying kick. Ryu met said kick with a Hurricane Kick and tried to go for a Shinku Hadoken, but missed.

"Your wife appears to be fondling Elena over there," Forrest said.

"Bullshit," said Ryu. "Elena doesn't have a penis."

"She doesn't," said Forrest. "But time's up and this match is a draw."

"Retreat to your corners!" Galford called. He turned to Ken. "You'd better come through in spades, Masters."

"Yeah, yeah, sure, sure," Ken simply responded. He then turned to Ryu and slapped him across the face. "Goddammit, Ryu! Ryu! Dammit, Ryu, what the hell happened to your focus? Quit fuckin' around with this guy! You let this no-good sack of shit play you like that?"

"That's the exact opposite of motivational, given how badly Final Fight: Streetwise sucked," said Guile. "Even Cody didn't want it and he plays anything that comes out on PS2, XBox, and GameCube."

"That's rich, coming from the only person I know who willingly bought Luigi's Mansion for himself," said Ryu.

"I had a coupon that was about to expire," Guile said. "You know how Cammy is with coupons."

"Nonetheless," said Ryu, "I really need to drop this shitsack so none of you has to." He stood up. "I just quoted Final Fight: Streetwise. That's bad." He turned to the audience. "Chun Li, stop jacking off every straight and bi male in the audience so I can concentrate on this fight!" Chun Li looked up and smiled. She gave her husband a wave. Ryu simply waved back, glad his wife and closest friends could not see his look of total dejection. But one person could see it.

"Crying 'cause his wife don't love him!" Forrest teased. He stuck his ass out and blew Ryu a kiss. "My name is Chun Li Hoshi and I l-oooooooo-ve penis!"

"Shut up!" Ryu shouted as he beat the shit out of Forrest with only his hands. "Don't! Ever! Say! A! Fucking! Word! About! My! Wife! Again! You! Pile! Of! Horseshit!"

Forrest could not do a thing as Ryu pummeled him. The last things he remembered feeling were a fist in his stomach, then another in his chin, and then a huge punch that sent him through the roof and way over the horizon.

"Perfect victory!" said Yoshimitsu. "Well done, Ryu!"

"Wait, where's Galford?" Guile asked.

"Ken refused to pay Galford the exact amount they'd originally agreed upon, so Galford quit," said Yoshimitsu. "But I like refereeing so much I'm willing to do it for free. And if I may break the fourth wall for a minute, here's Titan Nerd 68's secret to success. Find something you like so much you'd be willing to do it for free. Then you get so good at it that people will want to pay you to do it. As soon as you get paid for doing what you do, never do it for free again. (I, Charles, AKA Titan Nerd 68, give my readers full permission to quote me and apply this statement) Ryu wins!"

"Wait a minute!" Everyone turned to Eliza and Cammy.

"What now?" asked Marshall Law. "It's over! My son's been knocked out."

"I thought he was your brother," said Ken. "Forrest even said you were his bro back in the first chapter."

"We're on a bro basis," said Marshall. "Unfortunately, what he said about me not seeing a SINGLE GODDAMNED PENNY is true, so I got him to do this so people would come to a stadium and I could sell concessions and earn a small fortune."

"And..." Eliza prodded.

"FINE!" Marshall shouted. "Since Mrs. Masters insists! I also did this to do a shameless plug for Tekken X Street Fighter! All the fun of Street Fighter X Tekken, but with the Tekken engine! Are you happy now?"

"Yes," said Cammy. "Yes, we are."

"And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling Street Fighters and your bitches!"

"You mean dogs," said Ken.

"He was referring to us, your wives," said Eliza.

"Well, you are my bitch, so he's right," said Ken.

"That can be changed," said Eliza. "I have told you how much I like BDSM."

"And it's the reverse with us," said Cammy. "Right, Guile?"

"Don't remind me," Guile grumbled. "I just think I should get something tonight for winning my fight."

"I would have given you something, but then you reminded me about the fact that we still have Luigi's Mansion collecting dust somewhere in our house."

"Well, there goes my hope of victory sex," Guile muttered.

"GET HIM!" Nina shouted. Everyone looked at her. "I just feel like an angry mob should be chasing Marshall right now for causing Tekken to lose some of its reputation with this whole...shenanigan."

"She's right!" shouted one of the many forms of Jack and all the Tekken characters chased Marshall away.

"I won," said Ryu. "I fucking won, and I still don't get the girl."

"What?" Chun Li asked. She knelt down. "Come here, Ryu. You deserve it for winning."

"I saw you," Ryu said. "I've known the entire time, Chun Li. So go ahead and run off with Sagat. I know he has a much bigger penis than I do."

"Actually, I was going to leave with Galford," said Chun Li. "Hope you don't mind that I've only been in this marriage for the penis. By the way, the divorce papers are on the table at home. I've already signed my half."

"I can't keep silent anymore," said Eliza. "So I'm just going to say it. Chun Li, you are a total bitch, to say the least, and I hope Galford's dick causes your vagina to bust completely open like a rotting fruit."

"Yeah, the way you've strung Ryu along all these years is just plain fucking evil," said Guile. "You've seen how much he loves you."

"Are you finished?" Chun Li asked. "Here's my defense: I like penis. Fuck all of you." She left.

"I don't know what to say," said Ken. He looked at his best friend and sparring partner for years sitting on the mat. Ryu looked like he was about to cry, but also looked like he could not bring himself to cry.

"We won't hold it against you if you let it out here," said Cammy.

"No," said Ryu. "It's not that. It's that Guy just destroyed my car in a minigame."

"You're hiding it," said Ken.

"FINE!" Ryu shouted as he burst into tears. "I always knew that Chun Li was in it for my penis! When I went to the bathroom on our first date, I came back to see her giving head to Gaara! He just smiled at me and she gave me a thumbs up."

"So why didn't you move on then?" asked Eliza.

"Remember that time I tried asking out Leona Heidern?"

"Oh, right," said Eliza. "Sorry."

"It's okay," said Ryu. "This last one was worse than that one. They were the only girls I've ever loved, and they both cheated on me multiple times. I'm a loser."

"You're not," said Guile. "Look at it this way. You've rid yourself of another bad woman and you can find yourself a good one."

"The best women I know are married to my best friends."

"Julia's still single," said Eliza. "She's still bitter about the divorce, Guile, but I made her swear that if you ran into each other at the supermarket or something she wouldn't pound your balls in with a sledgehammer. But I can't keep her from carrying that damn thing everywhere she goes."

"I couldn't do that," said Ryu. "I'd get endless harassment about sloppy seconds."

"Especially since she has a sloppy vagina," said Guile, getting a smack on the back of the head from Eliza. "What? You were there when our daughter came sliding out of it. One kid is all it takes, you know."

Ryu simply left the stadium and caught a train back home. He sent in the divorce papers, went to his TV, got out his PS3, put in SSF4, and spent the rest of the day beating himself senseless.

* * *

Another one over. Look for another story when I can take a break from my college studies.


End file.
